HO HO HO

this last weekend, i took the kids and flew to SLC for a few days (i am so lucky i can do this! sorry darrel, we wish you could have been with us). my dad home teaches "santa" and asked if he would come and visit all the grandkids. my mom had me buy cute little cheap things to fill some stockings with so that santa would have something for them. most of the kids were a little scared, but all of them were really excited to get presents. you can tell by the look on ryan's face that he was less than thrilled to be sitting this close to him. (i found this odd because he actually went and sat on his lap at the mall a few weeks ago..... hum curious). emily was fine with him, at a distance. overall, it was so much fun for everyone i think. just to see the faces of these little kids who are really figuring out this whole santa thing is great!

this picture below is at the mall. if you look closely you can see ryan holding up 2 fingers. he is telling santa the only things he wants are 2 boy dress up costumes of general grievous, and kit fisto. i really hope i don't end up with one way disappointed little boy, because santa can't seem to find anything to fit his request. of course he would have to ask for the most abstract characters, whose costumes would be very difficult to copy.

goodyear had a holly jolly festival a few weeks ago. they made fake snow, and ryan thought it was pretty fun, but why play in fake when we can go to SLC and play in lots and lots of the real stuff.
every single morning this is how emily wakes me up. MOM! MOM! ARE YOU? I NEED MY DRESS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she then proceeds to take off her jammies and diaper, goes potty, and then i make her put her jammies back on (it is kinda cold here), and then she picks out her dress de jour (yeah, i have no idea how to spell this word but it just seemed like the perfect word to use). it is different everyday. i have some dresses that were hand me downs, and 2 sizes too big for her that she loves wearing. i think because they are so long. anyway, you can see in this picture her dress over her jammies. and, no, it is not lipstick, it is an orange marker, that we could not get off her face for about a day and a half. she kinda looks scary. (nip/tuck anyone?)

this is all the kids with their great grandmother momo. she loves all the kids so much, and spoils them rotten. all the kids think she is pretty special too. every time they go and visit her, she gets her tea set out for them to have a tea party. i know that my kids just about drink her whole gallon of milk when we go (she only buys whole milk, and i guess my kids love it). i really can't believe christmas is this week. crazy! i have so much stuff for the kids, but i keep wanting to go and buy more. i ran a lot of errands today, and was so good. i only bought a few stocking stuffers. now i just have to get all the wrapping done. anyone want to help?

JUST THE FOUR OF US

about 5 weeks ago ryan came up to me out of the blue and said "mommy, i don't want any more of us. i don't want another sister, or a brother." i thought that this was very strange because we have never even discussed having more siblings with him. it really made me start thinking about if i really wanted another baby. i have told myself for a long time that if i wasn't pregnant by the time i was 37 (which is next month. YIKES! man that sounds old), i would stop trying. it sounded like a good plan, and it seemed reasonable. well, a week and a half ago i found out i was pregnant. you all know i would never tell you the big news in my blog, so i'm assuming you guessed the worst. yep, i miscarried today. the third time this year. i didn't tell any of you i was pregnant because of my excellent track record. it's kind of crazy because when ryan said that to me, i was pregnant and just didn't know it. maybe he did, and he was preparing me. so now i am very confused. i was starting to let myself go to the "if it's a boy...... and if it's a girl...." and i was getting excited that i had met my deadline. i don't think i have ever heard of anyone having 3 miscarriages in a row. how am i supposed to get myself to a place where i won't regret not having a third child (if i am ever able to, my odds haven't been that great- 6 pregnancies and only 2 kids). that said, i am absolutely CRAZY about ryan and emily, and love them so much. i guess i should just be grateful for the 2 i have, not the 3rd i wish i had, and stop worrying about my deadline, and let nature take it's course (except i feel like 37 is a little old to be having a baby). every time i find out that someone is pregnant i find myself getting so jealous, and mad at myself. that in itself should tell me that i do want another baby. maybe i will just have to ditch my self imposed deadline. i guess on the bright side, if i am not able to have a 3rd, think of how much more money i would have to buy emily more shoes!

p.s. thanks naima and john for the picture!